http://www.motherfuton.com/ en-US Copyright 2010 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:11:26 -0800 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Cameron Moll's Colosseo iPad Martian Giveaway]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2010/04/cameron_molls_colosseo_ipad_ma.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2010/04/cameron_molls_colosseo_ipad_ma.php Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:11:26 -0800 Es Bueno. Check it out, grab a feed. It's not funny, but then again, neither was this place. Countach.]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2009/01/a_new_start.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2009/01/a_new_start.php Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:01:09 -0800 Trade as One. They are doing all that rad life saving stuff without a cape. All by focusing their efforts into buying Fair Trade goods. Brilliant idea, I love it. Head on over there, check it out. Do your part. There is just one thing... Trade as One? What kinda name is that? I mean, why not Trade as Twenty Nine, or Trade as One Hundred Forty Two. Everyone knows the bigger the number the better. I don't know how that one got past marketing. ]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/11/trade_as_one.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/11/trade_as_one.php Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:13:46 -0800 I've always wanted to be a member of a climbing party. You know, a group of folks who climb up some big ol hill where it's real cold and windy, but still extremely hot because you're so close to the motherfuton sun and you eat dehydrated food and are always nauseous because of altitude sickness and you're always like rubbing your feet and they're kinda smelly, oh and then when you get to the top you hug these strangers because you've accomplished a lifelong dream of reaching the summit of said hill. I just think the camaraderie would be pretty sweet. It would also be pretty awesome when you were just about to reach the summit, when all of the sudden, your new comrade has fallen (and seemingly can't get up) but everyone just decides to leave him there to die. Screw camaraderie now, last one to the top has to smell my socks. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/07/climbing_party.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/07/climbing_party.php Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:12:43 -0800 I think an under-used phrase is, "I hate your guts". That phrase used to be the rage in 4th and 5th grade. I can't remember a day going by without using it on my sister. These days, I guess the whole "negative connotation" part of it brings people down and has likely contributed to it's limited usage. Silly people. When I tell you that I hate your guts, it means just that. I hate your guts, but everything else about you that is not your guts, is totally bitchin. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/07/guts.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/07/guts.php Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:28:47 -0800 In order to be a winner, you have to think like a winner. I can think of no better place to start than by legally changing your name to Winner. This projects to others that you are in fact, a winner. I began this process myself, changing my name to Winner, Winner Peterson. At the Official Name Changing Application Office, ONCAO, I filled out my application and turned it in to the lovely ONCAO receptionist. She reviewed it for completion, reading aloud as she went along. Age, 31. Residence, California. New name, Weiner Peterson. Ouch. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/winner.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/winner.php Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:08:17 -0800 light. "In one of several allegations of corrupt refereeing, Donaghy said he learned in May 2002 that two referees known as "company men" were working a best-of-seven series in which "Team 5" was leading 3-2. In the sixth game, he alleged they purposely ignored fouls made by opponent "Team 6" and made phantom calls putting its players at the free-throw line. "Team 6" won the game and came back to win the series, the letter said. " Team 5 = Sacramento Kings Team 6 = Los Angeles Lakers May 2002, Game 6 NBA Western Conference Finals Conspiracy.]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/nba_conspiracy.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/nba_conspiracy.php Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:31:40 -0800 God honest truth. Wife: Hey buckaroo, you ready to go? Son: Hey fuckaroo. Wife: What did you say? Son: Well, sometimes I'll say buckaroo, then other times I'll say fuckaroo. Wife: No, no, we don't say that word, ever. Son: We don't say fuckaroo? Wife: No, we don't say that word. Son: Oh, ok. Wife: Ready to go to Grams? Son: Yeah. Hey Mom, can I say fuckaroo at Gram's house? http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/buckaroo.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/buckaroo.php Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:06:05 -0800 I'm not positive, but I'm about 93, 94 percent sure I'd have made a great hand model if it weren't for that time at church camp where a crazy kid with a knife stabbed me in the hand, effectively ruining all chances of achieving hand model success. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/hand_model.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/06/hand_model.php Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:43:45 -0800 You know that feeling, that taste in your mouth, after you've brushed your teeth. That minty fresh feeling? The one that you think about right before you take a sip of OJ and realize this is gonna suck futons b/c there is nothing worse than minty fresh taste and OJ. Well, maybe there could be something worse, like being stuck in a room where the walls were collapsing on you and there was a big long pole that you tried to use to keep the walls from closing in, but it just got squished, and your little robot friend couldn't figure out the secret code to stop the walls from crushing you, and also there was no pretty girl with her hair in buns on the side of her head next to you. She was off with your ex-best friend. Anyways, this feeling of minty fresh has been with me for the past week and a half, and I can't get rid of it. It is driving me absolutely nuts! It doesn't ruin the taste of food, but my mind can't compute that, and everything I eat or drink is preceded by that moment of hesitation which just throws off my game. To top it all off, I hate mint. So minty fresh taste in my mouth is making my enemies rejoice and sing songs of glee. Curses! http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/minty_fresh.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/minty_fresh.php Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:24:53 -0800 Experts expect big California earthquake by 2037. In other news, cover-your-ass underwear is sold out for the next 29 years.]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/brilliant.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/brilliant.php Mon, 14 Apr 2008 23:02:59 -0800 Gibson Robot Guitar - For people with no hands. Gibson Robot Guitar - A four thousand dollar tuner. Gibson Robot Guitar - The only thing you need to look like a complete tool. ]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/failed_slogans.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/failed_slogans.php Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:29:54 -0800 Sometimes, I wish I was a rock star. Not like a leather chaps, arse hanging out rock star, but more like a "He wrote that song too?!" rock star. And also, sometimes, I think that auto mechanics would want to be web developers. I imagine clients would hear something like this alot: Ma'am, you're website is in dire need of repair. Some jackass used tables and the markup was like a motherfuton sewer, but we waded through. We found out that your divs are collapsing. They haven't collapsed yet, but as you can imagine, once the divs go, it really starts to effect your rendering and functionality. But before we can get to those divs, we have to replace your floats. To be honest, they're sinking. You're floats are sinking, and they're going to bring the divs down with them. I can not stress this enough, they are sinking, and sinking fast. The double margin that your browser is misinterpreting is going to cause your container to explode and the entire contents of your site are going to be strewn across your body. Don't worry, the html will still contain them all, so you won't lose them, but as you can see, before we get to those divs, we must address these sinking floats. Now, I know you asked me about your padding, and you were right to do so. Your left padding has 2 pixels remaining, and your right is down to just 1 pixel. We've never seen padding this low before. Once that goes, your content is going to be rubbing up against each other causing God knows how much friction and eye strain... I don't know how your site even managed for this long with such low padding. You are lucky non of your readers were hurt... we're going to suggest you bump those back up to at least 10 pixels each; I'm just really not comfortable with anything less than 10, ok. Mmmkkk. The last think we need to talk about is your stylesheet. It's littered with hacks and long-handed syntax. This is the reason you were experiencing sluggishness during use. I'm not going to ask, but your previous developer must have been your neighbor's cousin, right? We really don't see this coming from any other source, other than the Noobs. Oh, don't cry ma'am, it's not your fault. Sadly, most people do consider FrontPage to be a viable development environment... We can fix all of these things for you today, ok. I've got Bob on the FTP already, and he can turn this old Fiat into a Porsche, if you know what I mean. I'm going to recommend we remove some of these absolutely positioned divs, ok, they're not going to "grow" with your content, and you're going to see that they are going to create a problem down the road. Let's nip that in the bud right now. We're gonna eliminate this double margin on your floats, give those things some buoyancy again, ok. You're gonna notice that right away. Just these few simple steps are going to keep your container from exploding, which is going to give you peace of mind. Oh, and the padding, I almost forgot. If you do nothing else, do the padding for the sake of all that is good and pure in this world. I tell you what, 20% off the padding ok, 20%, just get it done. I see you've brought in your Free Float inspection coupon, and we're going to honor that, which brings your final price down a bit to $35,550. We'll get started on that right away, we'll be sure to put the witty "down for maintenance in a speech bubble with a cute little kitty next to it" page up and we should be in and out in a matter of days. We see this all the time ma'am, and it's a damn shame. Don't worry, you're in good hands. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/if_auto_mechanics_were_web_dev.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/04/if_auto_mechanics_were_web_dev.php Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:55:30 -0800 I'd like to offer my services of guitar playing and backing vocals for your current side project (if you can call it that) The Raconteurs. I know you already have yourself and Brenden on the six string slayers, but I strongly believe that you could benefit from my services. It's not like I would bring any new riffs to the table, I would just assume the position of jamming your current kick-arse riffs while you did that nasty stuff with the Digitech Whammy. I don't think Brenden would mind sitting this tour out. Oh, I can bring my own amp too. http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/03/dear_jack_white.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/03/dear_jack_white.php Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:07:54 -0800 You're stupid. GIRLFRIEND STEALER: You're a loser with no life. YOU: You're a loser with no life. CO-WORKER: Your ideas are lame. YOU: Your ideas are lame. Don't try to get all crazy and make up your own now. I don't think you're ready to handle something like that just quite yet...]]> http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/03/comeback.php http://www.motherfuton.com/2008/03/comeback.php Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:38:34 -0800