February 26, 2008
When I'm Famous

Planning for your fame is not all uncommon out here in Cali. I've been doing so for the past 22 years. It's been a long time coming, but when I get that call from Seacrest, I'll be ready. I've been trying to focus on a few areas:

Things to say to fans when they're all up in my grill -

  • "How YOU doing?!" (only to be used if the fan is female and attractive and I was somehow not married to the love of my life)
  • "Tic tac? Someone could use a tic tac over here..."
  • "I don't know who you think I am biatch, but I am not that person."

Things to hold in my hand during photo ops -

  • A fanned out pile of cash - nothing says 'OG' like a cash-fan, futon.
  • One of my pecs - nothing says self confidence like a man grasping his mammary.
  • Nothing - this is to be accompanied by a look of shock and awe as if I just made the motherfuton statue of liberty disappear.

People to thank when I win my Oscar -

  • My high school English teacher, Mrs. Prusack.
  • All the little people (not like midgets, but little as in not as cool or popular as me)
  • The fans, of course, without the fans I would be nothing. Please don't forget to sign-up on my site. $25 dollars a month gets you unlimited access to my blog, vlog, and tweets.

Post #313

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