This makes post #300. I used to post daily. It was easier then, I didn't really do any work at my job, and was so deep in corporate BS that the sarcasm flowed like the salmon of Capistrano. So I found some posts that never made it. Consider them B-Sides. I'm releasing them now, around Christmas season in order to generate a little buzz and hopefully pull in some year end revenue so I can keep my 8-ball a day habit going through the holidays. Oh, and there is a reason these never made it up - it's because they suck.
Post that never made it #1 - CSI Motherfuton
Got a call yesterday, CSI wants to spin-off, Motherfuton style. I told Jerry I'd get on a script right away for his approval. Thought I'd run it by y'all to get some creative feedback, you know, really push my creativity to it's limits so to speak.
CSI Motherfuton - Scene 1
SETTING: We open with a rack focus off our dead body and onto our ridiculously hot detective (Sarah) who quadruple majored in Physics, Chemistry, Weaponry and Seductive Dressing.
Sarah: Looks like our killer is back.
Enrique: Sarah, indeed it does, Sarah.
Sarah: Look, a bullet.
Enrique: Sarah, indeed a bullet, Sarah.
Sarah: I'll take it to the crime lab.
SETTING: We move over to the crime lab where Sarah has changed into a Louis Vaton lab coat.
Enrique: Sarah, what have you got?
Sarah: Nothing yet. How will we find this killer?!
Sarah, startled perks right up after peering down the microscrope.
Sarah: Enrique, a fingerprint!
Enrique: The fingerprint of our killer. Sarah, quickly, put it under that thing with the blue light and let's put on these cool amber colored glasses.
Enrique: Let's get this bastard.
Post that never made it #2 - Haters
The Man: "Noah."
Me: "Yes?"
The Man: "I want you to build me an ark."
Me: "MotherFuton."
The Man: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Eagles just scored."