Al Gore won an emmy last night. For something called Current TV. You've never heard of it either have you... I saw that the ratings were horrible. I know that people will go on and on about how nobody gives a futon's arse about Hollywood whores and their need for self glorification. But the real reason no one was watching, was because they were watching my awards show, Futons. You see, I had this idea, a way to make people recognize me and my insane haxor/blogger/list generating/pimpmaster skillz. I thought, I'd throw myself an award show. The botox held up so well, that not once did a line show up on my forehead while I accepted award after award after award (Tony Bennett style). Anyways, I just know that the entire world was watching me win; because I mean hey, it is me.
And speaking of ideas, I was out pulling weeds the other afternoon, and I had a crazy idea. I thought what if I got an old rusty tractor, and propped it up like so, right in my front yard. It would be art, you know. Think of the powerful statement that would send. Something like a mix between tortured artist and John Deere evangelist. Anyways, this dude totally STOLE my idea and did it himself. This sucks pretty hard. Good thing I have those Futons on my mantel to keep me warm tonight.