I am such a bad friend, to myself. I was way off in thinking that my half-birthday is today. It was yesterday. GOSH!
I missed out on opportunites to exploit all things worthy of exploitation during a birthday bonanza.
Free dinner at Chevy's complete with crazy Mexican hats and margaritas... yeah, missed it.
I'm so ticked right now, that I can't even think of other free things that come along with half-birthdays. If I was taller than myself, I'd probably take a shot at kicking the crap out of me, with the hopes that my height would translate into greater wing span over my opponent and therefore a victory for moi, however, it's me I'd be fighting. So all I would end up with is bumps and bruises and no half-birthday satisfaction arrives from that.
I'd crack open a cold one to celebrate, since I did remember half way through the day (if you don't know, I pen these the night before usually), but that would only lead to alcoholism and then the twelve steps, and really, right now, I just do not have time for all twelve. Maybe a few, but defintely not twelve.
I probably would have remembered had my mother, a strong advocate for the half-birthday sent me a card with a crisp Benjamin in it, but no... no card. Thanks Mom, get me all stoked on the half-birthday, then don't bother to remind me to celebrate. I will still take the Benjamin if you got it. No need to wait for a half-birthday to send the scrilla.
Speaking of sending. If anyone wants to mail me things other than piles of poo, or warm glasses of "Shut the hell up!", for my half-birthday, lemme know and I'll gladly shoot you my mailer!
YSBL says,
can you really get free stuff at Chevy's for your half-birthday? Or do you just say its your birthday and leave the half part out?
ILOVEYOUCHEVY'S!
Posted @ July 12, 2005Mustache Lover says,
You really must grow a 'stache and buy a fancy iron to celebrate the occasion!!!!!
Posted @ July 12, 2005Noah says,
Oh man, I'm halfway there for the 'stache. Maybe in order to celebrate the half-birthday, I should go half beard! Maybe I'll start a funky facial hair club!
Posted @ July 12, 2005RCP says,
Yo Futon, I need your addressed. IWY.
Posted @ July 12, 2005dv says,
you also missed the opportunity for a free slurpee from 7-11.
Posted @ July 12, 2005'stache says,
Then, when you get really old, it can be simply a funky hair club. You can celebrate the abnormally long ear hairs, the eyebrows with a life of there own, the nose danglers. You might be onto something there. A club that can really adapt over the ages!!!!
Posted @ July 12, 2005Noah says,
7-11 gives free slurpees?! Hot Futon!
Posted @ July 12, 2005ysbl says,
I see you avoided my question Noah. That must mean you lie your way into free desert. And on your half-birthday nonetheless. I should shame your face off.
Posted @ July 12, 2005hink says,
Last time I was at Chebbies my friend bet me a finsky that I wouldn't walk out with one of those metal Corona buckets on my head and three bottles of Cholula in my hands.
Posted @ July 12, 2005ysbl says,
i meant dessert.
Posted @ July 12, 2005I AM A MORON! STUPID IDIOT!!
hink says,
I purposely refrained from comment all day, and then when I could stand it no more, I injected a completely harmless anecdote that could not possibly be considered a train wreck, or even a non sequitur.
I am not a serial comment killer!
DAMMIT! RARRRGH!!!
Posted @ July 12, 2005