A lot of money is to be made in the diet business. There are so many fat folks, and so many not fat folks, it don't matter, y'all want to diet. So I thought I would come up with my own, original diet plan. And then strike it rich when Jennifer Aniston picks up on it and finds a new man because of it.
Futon Beach Diet.
Breakfast:
1 - bowl of Cap'n Crunch (Peanut Butter flavor ONLY)
2 - three week old bananas
1 - Cup O Fourbucks
Lunch:
Freebie here - Eat ANYTHING THAT MOVES. (I personally think this will be the major selling point of the Futon Beach Diet)
Dinner:
5 - fist fulls of rare beef (Your ligiments will thank you for this. Not to mention all the riboflavin's you're gonna be getting...)
1 - Carrot (Helps improve the vision, so you can see the changes in your body much more clearly)
Desert:
2 - brownies with powdered sugar on top (Mmmmm... brownies)
Exercise Requirements:
2 - walks from lounge chair to kitchen for refills on Lite beer (Lite beer only - that regular stuff is just way to full of calories!)
Note: If your dog can fetch beer for you, then replace said trips to kitchen with walks to bathroom
Results:
Do this for the rest of your natural life and you will die. Of course, so will the other dieters. At least you'll be happy. Fat, yes; happy, oh yeah.
Waylon says,
I think you're on to something here...seriously, just wait until the A-list celebs get their hands on it, it'll be the new craze!
Posted @ July 18, 2005Noah says,
Waylon - I plan on it. I mean, what is there NOT to like about this diet... Even the name, it's so hip.
Posted @ July 18, 2005RCP says,
I"LL EAT ANYTHING THAT MOVES! AHA HAH HAHA AHAH!
Posted @ July 18, 2005wife says,
No riboflavins?
Posted @ July 18, 2005hink says,
Ready-made spokesmodel here.
Posted @ July 18, 2005Juan Sanchez says,
one addition, when you live in areas such as "The Northern Valley" where temps get up to 110+ you must increase the stated fluid level. Lite beer starts at lunch, just after you finish the fourbucks. I'm glad my gut is "in" with this new fade diet! Thanks mother futon
Posted @ July 18, 2005hink says,
Speaking of which: there really should be a Mexican food stipulation in there, Futon.
Posted @ July 18, 2005Noah says,
I think the Mexican part can be fulfilled in the "ANYTHING THAT MOVES" area. I mean, dogs move right?
Posted @ July 18, 2005Niko says,
So do cats!
Viva la 3 rolled tacos con guacamole!!
i mean, 3 rolled gatos con guac!
Posted @ July 18, 2005hink says,
Touché.
Posted @ July 18, 2005hink says,
Way to go, PR:4.
Posted @ July 18, 2005