I ran four miles tonight. Without stopping.
Ok that's a lie. I stopped at one point, walked about 20 yards, then ran again. That was a mistake, it made my legs feel like two couches. Even worse than that was the people BBQ'ing along the trail I was running on. For the love of God people, I haven't eaten yet. Now I'm fantasizing, about ribs.
Unlike some women from the midwest, I do not have a metabolism that is out of this world. That's why I run... to keep my girlish figure. Actually, the entire process of running is completely ludicris. I mean, let's break this down.
Am I running to get to anywhere quicker? Like, to get to Round Table in time for the lunch special?
No.
Am I running to aid someone in need? Perhaps a women in a wheel chair who was just run over by a madman in a minivan?
No.
Am I running to put out a fire? Like, my neighbors house burning down?
No.
Am I running a race? Like, say if I won, I would get piles of money, to add to my current piles?
No.
Am I running to save my own life? Like, say some living dead person was on the loose. And they were walking, and I was running, but yet somehow they were still able to keep up with me?
No.
Then what the Futon am I running for?
Tonight, I was running just to get home, to get me some ribs.
hink says,
You think that's tough? I watched the Tour de France last night, and the stage was 106.254474 miles long with four category 3 climbs and a category 1 at the end! I tell ya, watching such an arduous race, coupled with the multiple trips to the kitchen to get my Schlitz' and my guacamole certainly pan out as a similar sort of exercise regimen.
I was thinking about ribs, but I didn't want to sabotage myself. Dr. Phil says that's my biggest problem.
Posted @ July 11, 2005Waylon says,
I bet those ribs taste much better after running for them than not running for them. Kind of like the taste of victory.
Posted @ July 11, 2005YSBL says,
I hate running. A while back there was this slogan going around that said "to run is fun." I hated that slogan. Because after all it's not true. Not at all. 0% trueness.
What's that about midwest girls now? I've heard that midwest farmer's daugthers really make you feel alright...
Posted @ July 11, 2005wife says,
Are you running so that you will be around when you have grandkids?
Posted @ July 11, 2005Yes.
RCP says,
There was that movie a while back, Run Futon Run. I think she was running for a Futon she had loved and lost, or maybe it was she had the runs. Either way. Run Futon Run.
Posted @ July 11, 2005hink says,
20 Jul 1984 -- Jim Fixx, fitness guru and author of The Complete Book of Running, drops dead of a heart attack while jogging.
Posted @ July 11, 2005Juan Sanchez says,
I ran once...really fast and hard...but it was for my Freedom! We love USofA!
Posted @ July 11, 2005Noah says,
Like I said, it's all about the girlish figure. That, and the smells of BBQ all along the path...
Posted @ July 11, 2005hink says,
And here I thought meat had been officially declared murder in California.
Posted @ July 11, 2005Noah says,
Ah beef. If I could, I would have a conversation with the cow while I was eating it. Don't even bother dropping it on the BBQ... I'll take that Futon raw.
Posted @ July 11, 2005