Who makes this crap up? Seriously.
If there is a coat check attendant or a footman, then the proper procedure is for the gentleman to first hand his hat, (which should have been removed before he entered the foyer), along with his gloves and cane or umbrella (rolled and buttoned), if he is carrying them, to the attendant.
You must be kidding.
Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin, or in half diagonally, across your lap point at your knees, if it is a large dinner napkin. Never tuck the napkin into any part of your clothing or remove it during the meal, unless you are called upon to stand for a toast. In that case, fold your napkin neatly and place it to the left of your plate before standing, and do not forget to return it to your lap when retaking your seat.
What? Is there like an Etiquette Cop hiding in the bushes, waiting to say, "Busted Motherfuton! I caught you placing your napkin at a quarter diagonal across your lap. What's up now?" (Of course, that in and of itself would be bad etiquette)
I have questions. Who makes it up? And who says it's gold? Oh, and who gives a futon? I am going to start my own rules of etiquette. And if you don't follow them, then I'll laugh in my head at you. I'll laugh hard. And you'll feel silly. Silly and girly.
Motherfuton™ Rules of Etiquette
In Regards to Dining:
- When eating meals, including soups, use whatever the hell you want to shovel the food into your, open while chewing, mouth.
- When invited to someones house for a meal, bring a six pack of cheap beer. No need to waste the good stuff on them.
- When your plate arrives ahead of your companions, just start eating man. Cold food is gross.
In Regards to Dressing:
- When dressing for a formal event, no tie should be worn, nor shall your shirt be tucked in.
- When putting on socks, remember that white tube socks go with EVERYTHING.
- When your date asks you to wear a matching cumber-bun, a response of "I'll cumber-bun your face off" is not discouraged.
In Regards to Social Conduct:
- When you receive a gift, a simple "Thanks Fool" will suffice. No need to send a "Thank You" card.
- When given the opportunity to date more than one person at a time, do it. It would be rude not to.
- When presented with an old lady in a wheel chair in need of assistance, stopping to help is frowned upon.
What's up now?
ysbl says,
"excuse me little old lady? do you have change for a dollar?" "change? no i'm sorry" "well could you watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar? hey its true, senior citizens, while slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. don't you go dying on me!"
(a few minutes later..)
"where's the booze"
"i got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. i didn't even see it coming!"
That's what will happen to you if you don't help the old ladies. they'll rob you of your beer.
Posted @ July 20, 2005Noah says,
ysbl - That wouldn't be etiquette on her part, now would it.
Posted @ July 20, 2005ysbl says,
maybe she has a rule of etiquette that says:
When presented with a man in a large cowboy hat with a case of booze, not stealing his beer is frowned upon.
just a thought...
Posted @ July 20, 2005red Canary says,
Seriously. A thanks fool, is sooo much better than a lame thank you card. All a thank you card does is make you feel bad, because your thinking "man I never send thank you cards, Im such a jerk."
Or its like you get the thank you card, but really its not saying thanks, its saying "I am so great cause I sent this thank you card so quickly." See the shift goes from saying thanks to showing off.
Futon any time. Just give me a thanks fool, and END IT!
Posted @ July 20, 2005hink says,
Old people smell funny, and hence are not to be trusted.
Posted @ July 20, 2005