I don't know what it's like for folks in other parts of the country, but out here, we have little donor stickers that a person can place on their drivers license to let paramedics know that if they happen to stumble upon a person with said donor sticker, and the person is say, dead, that they can cut out their insides, put them in the cooler next to the Widmer, and rush it to the hospital to give to some kid like in that John Q. movie, which I really liked by the way, to save someones life.
I had my sticker on there when I was young, and oh so nieve, then I wised up.
See, the way I see it, it's like this. You're in a car accident, caused by some futon driver, not your fault of course, and unfortunately, you end up nearly dead. Traffic slows, so that people can hopefully get a chance at seeing your car explode, or even better, a body part on the side of the road. This very delay causes the ambulance to be 15 minutes later than usual. Upon their arrival, the three medics rush to you, one asking you to follow his finger, a second, riffling through your wallet, and a third asking if you have a parking space in the city... The second one whispers to the first, and the first back to the second. Let me explain to you what they are saying in their hush tones, that you are too dazed to understand.
Medic Two: They have a donor sticker.
Medic One: I've got internal bleeding. I don't think we'll make it to Regional.
Medic Two: Not with this traffic. Plus, he's a donor.
Medic One: You're right. Call it.
And like that, you're dead.
See how that works? Man, once I figured all that out, I took that donor card off my license. Now, when some idiot crashes into my Camry (sporting some new 22" spinners), and I am lying on the asphalt, a few yards from the jerkface who hit me, and he is hurting just as bad as I am... and I die, and he gets taken to the hospital in need of a liver, and I am a perfect match, but unfortunately, I don't have the donor sticker... What's up now jerkface?!
FotherMutonPCRules says,
You nailed that one right on the futon head. I realized that the moment I saw that little sticker on the card that came with my license. Sounds selfish, but I don't wanna die cuz people need my parts. It should only be revealed by your records at the hospital, after you are dead, that you are a donor...not before. Now I live in Idaho (29 years in SoCal before). They use animal organs here for transplants! What the futon anyways?!?! El Jardin Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted @ July 4, 2005hink says,
I'm a donor, but I smoke camels, I drink Schlitz, and worst of all, I occasionally eat Taco Bell.
I figure, in my quest for the most spiteful act ever, I'll offer up my organs, just to get some poor bastard's hopes up.
Oh dear, the Polyphonic Spree just came on the radio doing that Lithium cover, and my eyes are bleeding.
Perfect. Nobody gets my retinas either.
Posted @ July 4, 2005Caleb HaGEN says,
Sad.
What I don't get is why you guys are donors in the first place. Seems to me that if you choose to give parts, you should at least make every effort to give them to people that need them. If not, stop being a donor for jerkface's sake. No, seriously. Jerkface's sake ... I think Jerkface used to work at El JardÃn.
Posted @ July 5, 2005RCP says,
Your not my father JERK FACE!! YOUR FACE!! Give me back my speen!
Posted @ July 5, 2005RCP says,
I meant Spleen!
Posted @ July 5, 2005Noah says,
You have a thick candy shell...
Posted @ July 5, 2005hink says,
I was just foolin' about. I actually am a donor, and I am a nonsmoking, nondrinking vegan Krishna ascetic; my meditation ritual allows me to survive without the consumption of food or drink. Actually I have removed all of the organs that I might need to contribute and I keep them in the freezer, just incase I get "the call".
Funny thing is, I got the idea when I was watching that Vacuu-Sealer infomercial.
Posted @ July 5, 2005Hmmmm.... says,
Ah, the pureness of the self-centered...Selfishness without wax.
Posted @ July 5, 2005Julio Sanchez says,
Maybe I shouldn't just get rid of my sticker...maybe I should think about ditching the cooler in my car as well.
Posted @ July 5, 2005hink says,
I'm sincere as sh_t.
Futon-A! This high-concept comedy thing is dangerous! A fine line between powderburnt and snakebit, mixaphorically speaking.
Posted @ July 5, 2005Noah says,
Have we got a Comment Killer?
Posted @ July 5, 2005hink says,
> Medic One: You're right. Call it.
Posted @ July 5, 2005FotherMutonPCRules says,
Awe, c'mon Cawub...I'm just jokin' around. No I didn't work at El Jardin, just like eating there!!! Fallbrook Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted @ July 5, 2005