My mom had colon cancer which makes me a prime candidate for it. My wife made me go get a full checkup at 25 to get a jump start on anything that could potentially be bad. Contrary to popular opinion, one of my favorite moments wasn't the laxitive they give you (one that makes Harry's episode on the can in Dumb and Dumber look like a walk in the park)... no, my favorite moment was seeing my colon on a 18" television, all blown up full of air, with a nice young lady holding onto a tube protruding from my arse... Motherfuton, meet humility.

Every news cast has a "late breaking" story on the foods to eat to prevent cancer; and the next week, the foods not to eat (which in most cases, are the foods named the prior week). I for some time now, have been all about the vitamin D. In my knowledge and humble opinion of non-medical nature, vitamin D is one of the best cancer preventing agents known to mankind. Well, kinda known. Funny thing about it is, that you need the sun to activate the vitamin in your body in order for it to work. Of course, with everyone so afraid of the sun, being told to cover up and that the sun can melt your very soul, or something, we end up covering every inch of our bodies with sunscreen... thus effectively eliminating the chances for vitamin D to work in us.

Then the conspiracy theorist in me pops out with some crazy idea that really, the pharmaceutical industry owns all the sun screen companies in the world, and thier goal is to keep humans completely blocked from the sun's helpful rays, thus guaranteeing themselves decades upon decades of billion dollar numbers rolling in . And while they are making all of the money off of us dying from a lack of sunlight, which causes our vitamin D not to activate, thus leaving us open and susceptible to all kinds of crazy diseases, they are out on the beach in Tahiti getting catching some rays to ensure that THEY don't end up with cancer.

Ok, ok. So maybe they're not tanning in the sunlight of Tahiti, maybe it's Fiji, it could be Fiji. I just wonder if those peeps are hiring...

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