I can talk about this now that I no longer work at Apple, and projects that I was NDA on have all come to see the light of day... well, almost all of them. Regardless, I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

I want to talk about my time spent in the handicap stall in the infamous Infinite Loop. Let's just come right out and say it, no one likes to drop the kids off at the pool with someone sitting less than 2 feet away. I just can't relax, and when I can't relax, muscles tense up, and when muscles tense up, it's pointless. So normal procedure is to check out the location upon entering in order to determine if progress will be made or not.

On this specific day the coast is clear and I take a seat, planning a short stay. Right as I'm about to fulfill my purpose of spending time in a public restroom, someone walks in. Futon! My ears perk up, is it No. 1 or No. 2. I think, if it's No. 1 it's a quick in and out and I'm on the good again. If it's No. 2, I'm gonna have to wait this one out.

Mind you, I've waited many out before and this was not a new habit for me; I could wait with the best. And wait is what I did.

As I sat there, staring at these shoes (white Reebok's) trying to figure out who it is that just sat down next to me, I decide to settle in, pull out my T68i, and start playing some games. After about 10 minutes or so, I realize that I'm not hearing anything from my new neighbor. That's odd. Another 10 minutes pass and it hits me. My new neighbor has stage fright.

To clarify, the election of privacy and stage fright are two very different things. Privacy is the election to opt out of bodily functions at any given time, due to a lack of privacy. Stage fright is the inability to perform bodily functions given an uncomfortable or unfamiliar local, or due to a lack of privacy. I wanted my privacy, Reebok shoes had stage fright.

I laugh in my head about it, then decide to really Futon with this guy. I figure that he is waiting for me to finish and exit the room, while I in turn am waiting for the same from him. So I decide not to give him what he wants. He wants to play hardball, I'll play hardball. I return to my game on my T68i.

20 more minutes pass. We have both been sitting in the stalls, side by side, silent and not an ounce lighter than when we first entered. That's 40 minutes of sitting. Waiting. Then movement.

Reebok's shuffles his feet, stands up, flushes (Not sure what he flushed for because I heard neither No. 1 or No. 2 sounds come from his stall), and walks out. Victory, sweet victory is mine.

I waited him out for a total of 45 minutes. After he left I promptly dropped off the kids, and headed back to my desk - defender of my privacy and victor of the handicap stall.

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