There are many ways to bring the Futon into your daily life. Some more popular than others, others more useful than some. Right.

Let's begin with some of the no-no's of Futon-ing:

• Do not look at any psuedo couch you can buy at Ikea™ and say, "Hey, nice futon."


• Do not teach youth under the age of 11 about the Futon. They won't understand.


• Never use the Futon in a sentence with your boss. Trust me on this one.


• Do not over-rhyme the Futon. For example, "Futon is the bomb Tom!"


• Do not hesitate on the Futon usage. If you find the Futon rolling off your tongue, don't stop yourself. Remember, the Futon is your friend.

Now on to the brighter side of the mattress:

• Use the Futon when you find yourself in a social atmosphere with your God fearing grandparents, and you drop a jar of homemade jelly on your toe; "MotherFUTON!". They will likely not even question your use of this term as Futon's didn't exist when they were younger.


• Use the Futon when trying to curb your cursing habits. "Don't make me smack the Futon right out of you!"


• Use the Futon when trying to nail that CSS layout that renders beautifully in every browser, except Internet Explorer. "Futon I.E.!"


• Use the Futon when describing your date to your close friends and family. "He/She was Futon fine!"


• Always use the Futon to bring to life a sentence or phrase that is lacking in depth or feeling. For example, The quick brown fox jumped over the silver moon, can be restated as, The mother Futon quick brown Futon fox jumped over the Futon silver moon, Futon.

The Futon is free for anyone and everyone to use. When used properly, it can greatly enhance ones self image, confidence and appearance.

DISCLAIMER: In some cases the Futon has been known to cause severe diarrhea, bleeding in the brain, and/or loss of motor skills.

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